When I think about the past, it’s not to go back to it or reminisce. For me, it’s served me as little reminders of where I’ve been, what I experienced, what it taught me and finally where I don’t want to be again. Not only do I get the reminder, but I also start feeling those feelings all over again and say to myself, “I deserve better”. Last year, unexpectedly I got that reminder and I said, “no, I am not about that, goodbye” and walked away from the situation. It almost shocked me that the situation was happening again but in another relationship. I’m thankful for the past experience though because here it came again rearing its ugly head and I still didn’t want any part of it.
What it boils down to is the men I dated were not providers. I think that’s a huge quality that is crucial to consider a man “husband material”. Definitely not saying I’m a gold digger because, please, I’m far from it. What I mean when I say a provider, is someone who is wanting to take care of me. Because if the tables were turned, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m not just talking financially, but emotionally too. A lot of men miss the mark on those two aspects and that’s what differentiates them from a boy to a man. So I guess I was dating boys. No more.
I used to be picky in the past, but now I’m going to be EXTRA PICKY. Like, I’m not interested if they don’t have their life together. Of course, I’m trying to get my life together, which is why I’m not out there actively dating. I feel good where I’m at now, working on myself, learning a lot every day, focused at my new job, just living my life for me. If I finally meet someone who is at my level, then I will level up and invest my time. But I’m not waiting on the sidelines, hoping and twiddling my thumbs. I’m out here making my dreams come true because I can and owe it to myself.
And if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m not getting any younger and I need to start having babies soon. Or else my window of opportunity will POOF! vanish. Am I right or am I right? Basically, I need a baby daddy with deep pockets, LOL. Totally kidding.
But in reality, it’s not too much to ask of ourselves if we let the past stay in the past and only deal with it as a reminder of where we don’t want to be because we know deep down we deserve better. The only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come. Otherwise, it’s basura, trash.
Have you noticed the past giving you little reminders? Did you entertain it or keep it moving? Are you leveling up too? I need some cheerleaders!