Confessions of a Loveaholic: I’m Letting You Go

To Sexy Handsome,

I saw a blue Jay today while I was singing. Blue Jays remind me of you. I reached my breaking point, babe. I’d like to think I’ve been more than patient, but everyone has a limit. Well, I feel I finally reached mine. Last night, it dawned on me that you might still be angry towards me. That’s the only explanation I have why you won’t reach out. If indeed I’m onto something, please get over it. I’m not saying it to be mean. It’s the truth. You need to learn to let go of anger and resentment. What is that doing for you? It’s keeping you stuck and bitter.

If you think holding back from me as a way to punish me, save it. Maybe that’s what you’re used to in relationships, but please know that tactic is unhealthy and immature. We are not children. We are grown ups. I’m a grown woman who is able to have tough conversations. If a conversation scares you, then we’re not a match.

When I first met you, you told me you felt lonely. Knowing how everything happened between us, it only serves you right to keep feeling alone because you choose to be. You’ve had opportunities to make things right, but you won’t. Sadly, your thoughts about being a single bachelor, gambling your life in Vegas is going to come true.

I hope for your sake you’ll choose a different path than that. You deserve so much more than that lonely life. I wanted to share my life with you because for the first time in my life, I saw myself in you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw your soul reflecting back to me. I felt your love and it was bigger and deeper than any love I’ve ever felt.

It was unconditional love. I actually felt unconditional love before, from God. It was such a huge love that it brought me to sobbing tears in a crowd of people at church. It was embarrassing, but every time I picture that moment, I relive it all over again and I get so emotional. When I felt your love, it was that same intensity. A Godly love, a spiritual love, a perfect love.

I confess that the intensity scared me. I recall I told you, you gave me butterflies. You still do. I couldn’t wrap my head as to why you loved me so deeply. I realized later, it’s because you and I are soulmates. I think you knew it when we met. You told me I’m worth waiting for and we’re meant to be together.

I don’t wanna say I’m giving up. I still have hope we will make our way back to each other. But, for my own sanity and self care, I need to really detach and let you go.

I don’t have any regrets. I tried reaching out to you, and I got nothing. I haven’t seen your beautiful face in so long, your pictures are all I have. The only regret I have is that we never took a picture together. That realization just now made me cry. Sigh.

I hope you learn to love yourself as much as I love you. Only you can love yourself, before allowing someone to love you. Please allow yourself to love again, even if it’s not me.

I wrote this poem last week. It made me so happy to write it because it came from my heart and soul. That’s how you know love without conditions never changes no matter what you say or do. It just is.

I love you infinitely. I love you over and over again, like that song I dedicated to you.

I’ll leave you be. I won’t reach out. I release you. You’ll always be my person. We are timeless lovers. Thank you for coming into my life in this lifetime. I’m sure we’ve done this many times before. If not in this lifetime, maybe the next one.

Infinitely Yours,

Your Bella

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