Believe Women. Believe Survivors. This is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write, but I felt compelled and decided to use my voice. Not sure if you guys have kept up with the Kavanaugh hearings, but I started to on Friday and I was emotionally drained. My first thought was, why is a committee deliberating over hiring this man to take a seat at the Supreme Court? If this was a regular corporation or job interview, he would automatically be disqualified and wouldn’t even get a callback. But somehow, they are all torn and decide to drag this out a whole ‘nother week (now only 2 more days).
I wish I could be optimistic and that they won’t elect him into the Supreme Court, but after the FBI investigation is done, I doubt any progress towards Dr. Blasey Ford’s credible testimony will make a difference.
I will say her testimony did make a difference somehow. She stood up for herself and for what was wrongly done to her. Because of her, women like the ones who stopped Senator Flake in the elevator protested and letting the world know their pain because the time is up! I thank God for these women because it seems they reached him somehow and he decided not to vote unless the FBI investigation is complete.
Here’s where I think things went wrong. They didn’t take her seriously months before when she came forward with this information. They didn’t conduct an investigation to make sure they really look into things and interview whoever they need to to get to the truth. This is a result of how our society treats women who come forward. They don’t take them seriously. Because of that, is why many don’t come forward because they are going to be shamed, belittled, blamed, persecuted, humiliated, the list goes on. All while our attacker goes scot-free. So you know what a survivor thinks? No one cares so why should I bother?
This is so sad you guys. That should not be the case and our society needs to wake up and act with justice when someone builds up their strength and comes forward. We have a long way to go and I hope that this moment with the Kavanaugh hearings is the pivotal shift that will set in motion to fight the injustice. To bring those men accountable who think there won’t be consequences.
As of a few days ago, another woman, Deborah Ramirez, came forward about Kavanaugh. She said while they were in college, he exposed himself to her at a dorm party. I’m sure alcohol was involved. At this point, there is a pattern of behavior that this man has shown from his past and could very well carry onto the present or the future.
Aside from all the allegations, looking at his character; the lying under oath, avoiding questions and flipping it back at the questioner, interrupting Senators and asking them what they like to drink, saying he likes beer so many times, his temper tantrum because he was so emotional it was laughable (which to be honest, I wouldn’t want a Judge to have that kind of temperament), the text messages he sent to his former classmates to refute Ramirez’ story before the article went out, then lying again that he didn’t know about the article, his bar fights back in the 80’s. Come on! Is this someone who truly deserves a seat at the Supreme Court, the highest court of the land? I don’t think so. Boy bye!
I get why women don’t come forward. I know this because I myself am a victim of sexual assault. I didn’t come forward until now. Even though it happened six years ago, the emotional scars don’t ever go away. The trauma and the pain just sits there underneath. The statistic is striking – One out of three women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime. I thought because I never experienced this as a kid growing up or in highschool, that I would be okay. But it happened in my late 20’s when I went out with a guy and there was miscommunication. My truth is is that I was vulnerable and he took advantage of the situation.
I was partying with him and my cousin in Houston. I willingly went into his hotel room, but I passed out. Next thing I know, he already got started and was already on top of me when I opened my eyes. I was so scared and shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared that if I said no, or fought, that he would attack me. I don’t like confrontation and this was something that was out of my control. So I didn’t say anything. I was powerless. The next day, we hung out again and I slept with him to get my power back. I was in denial that it really did happen (you can say that was the trauma), and I did it to feel like it wasn’t that bad. But it was bad and it was indeed date rape. I didn’t have a say before he took the liberty to take my body. So until our society does right by us, we need to be on guard and not put ourselves in situations where there’s no way out.
This is why we don’t come forward and why I myself, didn’t. Sometimes it takes years for us to process what happened to us and by then, we won’t have proof, except for our truth. I know that I would be blamed, especially with what happened the next day. Why would we subject ourselves to authorities grilling us about what happened to us as if we’re lying? We know the truth and no matter how we paint the picture, which is definitely not pretty, we won’t be believed and have justice on our side. In going through that process, you literally relive that moment and it’s traumatic all over again. If you’re reading this and you’re also saying Me Too, I urge you to come forward in whichever way you feel comfortable. I’m with you and I’m sorry this also happened to you.
This is why I believe Dr. Ford because she has nothing to gain by coming forward. It is her civic duty (as she said) to let everyone know what happened and that is her truth. What I really don’t get are the women who are also victims, who don’t believe Dr. Ford. We need to believe women, believe survivors. We are not here to get noticed or pitied, or saying this happened for shits and giggles, this is something awful that happened to us. If we don’t listen as a society, what’s to become of our future generation? The endless, vicious cycle will continue. It needs to stop and the time is up.
The last thing a victim needs is to be berated with questions asking why they waited to speak up. Or why they don’t have proof? Or why did they wear that outfit? Or why did they go out with someone they barely know? It’s not your business to ask us WHY. Newsflash: It happened, these are the facts and you need to believe us. Plain and simple. Instead, why don’t you ask that man why did he assault her? Why did he not listen to her when she said no? Or why did he just take it upon himself to have sex without her being conscious? It is a double standard and it’s not right. Hold the men accountable.
Whether you side with Kavanaugh or not, that’s not the point of my post. We just really need to think about how are we bringing justice or being fair if we don’t believe women when they speak up? We can’t look the other way anymore. What is that teaching our children? We need to stand for what is right. I hope that the FBI is able to uncover the truth and that the Senators will have the information they need in order to make the right decision. Deep down, I don’t see Kavanaugh as the rightful nominee. There, I said it.
The change of the vicious cycle won’t start until we put these attackers to justice. Until we show men that if they commit this heinous crime, they will be put away to rot in jail, or worse, killed in jail because prisoners don’t take too kindly to rapists. Many of them are repeat offenders. They have gotten away with it so many times. Case in point, Bill Cosby… Harvey Weinstein.
Your voice matters. What happened to you matters. When you speak out about what happened, that’s when the healing commences.
If you read this long ass post, I thank you. This is something that was really heavy on my heart and having been a victim, I couldn’t stay silent any longer. I’m glad that we are speaking about topics that are really hard for us, for our humanity to go through: miscarriage, mental illness, addiction, racism, racial bias, and finally, sexual assault. These are no longer taboo subjects, we need to have an open conversation and ultimately, communication, so that we are not hurting others without being aware. If we do hurt others, then we need to own up to it and its possible consequences. Those consequences definitely don’t include electing a man with a troubled past with drinking and sexually assaulting women like it’s a hobby. Onto the next one!!
Your actions DO have consequences, regardless if they were 20 years ago or 5 months ago. Make sure that you are PROUD of them and the world will be a better place BECAUSE of them.