Hey you. I know I’ve been hiding out for a bit, but your girl went through a lot at the end of 2019. Now with the New Year being here, I finally felt strong enough to come back and share what’s going on and where I want this new year and new decade to take me.
I met someone who rocked my world. This person took me by surprise because I never knew I could feel so strongly for someone and even though I didn’t know him that well, somehow I did know him. It was something out of this world or realm, it felt like a spiritual soul connection. Because I’m a go getter, I’m decisive and hello, I’m in sales, I go after what I want. So I went after him and conquered him, lol. We got lost in our emotions and I have never felt this for anyone before or ever. So it was no wonder that even though I wanted to take things slow, the intensity got overwhelming and eventually it made it all come crashing down.
Sounds like a freaking movie, right? It will probably make for a good book one day. So you’re wondering, what happened? For a long time, I myself didn’t understand why it fell apart. But now that I’ve been healing and growing on my own spiritual journey, it’s all crystal clear…
I thought I was ready for love, but I wasn’t. My body was even rejecting it (in the form of butterflies in my stomach) and I was just under the illusion that it was because I liked him that much. The reality was that my soul was telling me that I’m not ready for true love right now. I need time to myself and truly dig deep to have more self love so that I can give to others. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Because him and I are so connected, we are like mirrors of each other and he was reflecting this same issue back to me. I wasn’t ready and therefore, neither was he.
Some guys like to keep the door open so that they can come back one day. He left me hanging in this way and told me we’re putting things on hold. Deep down though, I knew that he most likely is seeing someone else. He pushed me away and acted like I didn’t matter to him and believe me, I was hurt. I knew I deserved better so I walked away. It’s unfair to keep someone on hold, it’s cruel, selfish and inconsiderate. Why not just let me go and shut the door? So I did it for him and told him I’m leaving. I want him to be happy and if this is where things are at now, then so be it.
What’s crazy is that I still feel his energy, everywhere I go. I see his name everywhere, songs come on reminding me of him, I used to not dream about him and these last few weeks he’s been in my dreams (even last night), little things that would happen on our dates pop up out of nowhere in situations, the twin flame readings I’ve been watching on YouTube have shed some light on what happened with us and they were all on point. The synchronicities are uncanny and creepy.
Now, I feel as though I’m getting stronger. I’m awakened and see things from a different perspective. I’m not taking things personal and understand that we all deal with our own growth differently. I need to heal, he needs to heal and maybe one day we can come to a resolution.
Am I going to date, you wonder? HELL NO. I even had to tell a guy who was very good looking (my type being 6 feet tall, sweet and attentive) to delete my number because I need time alone. My ex even tried calling me over the holidays and I rejected him too. Because for me, being with someone will make it ten times worse. It will make me think of how they don’t compare to him and that’s unfair to that person.
The old me would have been angry towards him, but I don’t feel anger. At least not anymore. Now I just feel at peace and sending good vibes, love and light to him. I hope he finds his own way, grows and matures (because let’s be real, he had some immature tendencies and I did too), and steps into the man he is meant to become. I can’t force him and I wouldn’t want to because that’s not my place.
So yeah, I know that was a lot and I hope that sorta explains why I’ve been MIA. I fell in love and I’m thankful for the experience because he changed my life to where now I’m awakened to become the woman I’m supposed to be. How often can you say that someone entered your life and changed it for the better? Even when it all hit the fan, it seemed like a vivid nightmare? Blessing in disguise.
I’m just thankful and so blessed. No matter how often my heart has broken, I am still strong enough to keep on loving. Now I’m learning to be more on guard and not allow anyone in like VIP, unless he’s motherfucking earned it.